I would like to start by saying that though I am new to the BDSM scene, the craving to join has been alive in me for quite some time. As a pre-teen I thought there was something wrong with me for having sexual fantasies of being sold into slavery and being tied up and dominated by my new slaveowner. Part of me still feels as though there is something inherently wrong with me for wanting this, for wanting to be owned and controlled by another human being, not forcibly (though the use of force wouldn’t exactly send me running), but willingly submitting to their desires, both sexual and non-sexual.
It wasn’t until 2.5 years ago, halfway into my sophomore year of college that I was introduced by a friend to the term “BDSM.” Upon first hearing about what this subculture entailed I was terrified and found the idea shocking and repulsive. Why would any self respecting woman allow herself to be manhandled like that? What girl in her right mind would let a man tell her what to do? Aren’t we as women supposed to be striving to move up in this world and to prove that we can hold our own against our male counterparts? These were some of the questions that initially came to mind (and of course this was before I learned that male dominance and female submission is only one of many different dynamics within the world of BDSM).
After talking with my friend further though, I came to realize that while being a submissive does require one to give up control, it does not mean that in giving up that control one becomes weak. In fact, it takes a very strong individual to find the courage to trust that another individual will use the control given in a way which will benefit both parties and hurt neither (at least not hurt them in a way that either of the parties is not okay with ;] ). And for that matter, it also takes an extremely strong individual to not abuse such power and control when it is given to them.
It is for these reasons, amongst others, that I decided to begin dipping my toes into the waters of what is known to many as the BDSM Lifestyle. I started searching online for a dom who could begin to teach me the art of being a submissive. Something that was important to me in my search was that it be strictly online, because while I like the idea of submitting, I still also am new enough to the idea that I want to hold onto a bit of control for myself. I would like to still have my own life and make my own choices for most of my day, but there is still a part of me that longs to be told what to do, and that seeks the approval of another and praise when I’ve done a good job, as well as reprimand when I have not done as well as I could have.
After searching for quite some time, I found a personal ad about a week ago for a dom seeking a sub whose interests seemed to match up with my own. I replied to his post and we began a conversation to discern whether or not we would be a good match for each other. Then a few days ago, after getting a feel for what each other was looking for, I was asked if I would be comfortable with him beginning to implement some rules, to which I said that I was. He began with three simple ones: 1) From hereon out, I was to refer to him as Sir. 2) Each morning before getting dressed I was to send a picture of myself in my underwear with the word “Sir’s” written somewhere on my body along with a thought about the day. 3) I was no longer allowed to cum without his express permission. Ever. The control of my orgasms belonged to him and only him from now on.
As I went to bed that evening, I could hardly wait to wake up the next morning and begin my formal training.
